My PS3 Is Dying :'(

Oh great Gaming Gods, what atrocities have I committed to receive such a punishment? I have been a good gamer haven't I? I've played many games, spent good money on games I didn't need and  accessories I wasn't really gonna use I've even spent money money meant for food on games and game accessories. I game regularly, everyday in fact, so what could it be that i have done that has offended you so much? What have i done that has pushed you so far that you would inflict death like symptoms upon my poor ps3, my poor fat ps3 which has been the best investment of my life and my friend who is has been with me everyday for the past 3 years and 24 days?

Yes, I remember the day I bought my black beast with the killer apps, it was a weekend, a Saturday I think, I had been to I visited 3 stores looking for said best with no luck they were all sold out but I wasn't going to give up until i had checked every store i knew of, finally the 4th store the Walmart at Arundel Mills Mall I succeeded and how lucky I was it was the last one in stock. I didn't wait to think about it, I grabbed the first employee in sight and forced them to open the display case and retrieve the PS3. Beaming as it was pulled from the shelf and watched it like a hawk, as it wasn't handed directly to me but taken to the checkout as the protocol on such items seems to be with the Walmart franchise, and made sure it was handled with care. I jumped into line eagerly, luckily I #2 in line however the person in front of me seemed to take FOREVER but I had to restrain myself and held in the words from escaping my mouth as my brain screamed at the top of its "lungs" for this person to "HURRY THE FUCK UP!" as I was certain some fool would walk by and snatch my future purchase and run like mad from the store, knowing my luck I wouldn't have been surprised and I like to think that i would be quick thinking enough to chase down and pummel the would be thief to protect that PS3.
After what seemed an eternity I moved up to the register and met a young lady who I want to say was named Mary or something of the sort, I greeted her with an excited but calm hello and relayed to her that I was the one who was buying the brand new Playstation 3, she turned grabbed the box punched a few numbers into a keypad on her side of the desk and proceeded to scan the item while i looked at the display facing me to determine my total. $528.36 if i recall correctly, i reached into my pocket and retrieved a wad of bills and counted out the amount and gave the cashier $550 and waited as she insisted on recounting and then had to make sure each bill was real for some reason, as if I, Ross, would try to make such a investment with fake or otherwise illegal tender all seemed well and she placed the money in the drawer and thus at about 4:30 on February 2nd I was a very proud owner of a PS3. As she handed me my change with one hand she reached down behind the counter and pulled out a large bag a bag large enough to fit such a beastly purchase, and was ready to hand to hand it over to me when my mom asked her to double bag it as to obscure the new toy inside since we had to take the bus home. I agreed since I hardly wished for some cracked out pimp to notice my new friend and decide to take it for himself. I took the bag(s) from the woman behind the register and thanked her and wished her a good day hopefully one as good as mine was turning out to be. I didn't at all in any way want to linger at this point, I had the treasure it was time to run like hell from the tomb before some stone monsters decided to come to life of before some fool stepped on the 1 square foot of floor that opened up an Indian death trap such as a pit full of sharpened sticks or somehow releasing a giant stone to crush me where I stood. I left the store and headed towards the bus stop, for some reason we went though best buy where I noticed my first PS3 game purchase, Skate, I counted my change and determined myself to be just shy of owning this amazing game, I asked to borrow a few dollars and quickly threw my money at the cashier and ran from the store ( not really, but that would be intense) to the bus stop for fear of missing said bus and being stuck at the mall, quite possibly the most dangerous place for any PS3. We made it to the bus stop ahead of schedule unfortunately the bus was running late and so I had to sit there with almost a dozen other people with this $500 box between my legs. I watched my back like a Meerkat watches for hyenas, looking up from my bag every few seconds to see if any one seemed to be watching me at all, thankfully everyone was more focused on avoiding the light rain shower that had begun just after I reached the relative safety of the bus stop. The bus soon arrived and I keep my Meerkat tactics up until I was back in familiar territory where i tripled my efforts for i knew the fools around the way wouldn't hesitate to thief my shit just because I had it and they didn't, not even knowing what was in the bag to begin with, just seeing me carrying something would be enough. I hoped off the bus and made for the house, I played it cool and walked quickly, but I didn't run as to not draw attention to myself always watching my back. I made it home alive with PS3 unharmed, mission accomplished.

Gaming gods, please revoke your punishment upon my PS3, its not the 3's fault. If punishment is to be had aim at me, take my 12th born child instead, but please please don't take the life of my beloved PS3. I've had way too many good times with it and I truly wish to have many many more.

R.I.B.S.

This is for Ross. The boss!!!!!!!!!!

Run forest run!
Oh Captain, my captain.
Show me the money!
Say 'hello' to my little friend!

We'll always have Paris.
A martini. Shaken, not stirred.
Nobody puts 'Baby' in a corner.
Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
Surely you can't be serious?! I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

Round up the usual suspects.
I feel the need—the need for speed!
Bond. James Bond.
Stella! Hey, Stella!

P.S. all of those are famous movie quotes.

This shouldn't even be possible!

I just almost drowned in somebodies fuckin bed!! DAMNIT!!!

A Warning to Jared Fogle

Ok, Jared "Eat Fresh" Fogle we is coming for you boy! No five dolla footlong will save you from the wrath of vaught and Ross. We must sacrifice you to the god of ribs(google it, its real mofos). Our hunger will not be quenched until we have more ribs that as Ross said, literally fall off the bone. So this is your warning Mr. Fogle we are coming and we will find you. So you can run and tell that homeboy!


P.S. If Ross wants the rack of lamb we might have to sacrifice your wife as well. Sorry bro.